Dear Old Man Winter,

We. Need. To. Talk.

I'm not sure what the northern half of the United States did to piss you off so bad, but you really are getting on my nerves. I was tolerating you pretty much up until last week because you were behaving yourself, but now you're just being an ass. I told myself at the beginning of winter that I'd just let you do your thing and I'd do my thing, and I would try not to complain too much about you. EVEN when you make my eyes involuntary water the second I step outside, or cover the sidewalk in ice so I fall right on my bum, or force me to coat my hair in Static Guard so when I take my hat off my hair won't look like I'm walking in space.

You see OMW, I'm trying to be a good Midwesterner and learn how to just deal with your presence, but I'm at my wits end. This is why I'm leaving you. I'm going to visit your arch nemesis "The Sun" for the next week and a half in warm Arizona. Now I know what you are thinking, "it's not THAT warm there", but for me 65 degrees and sun is PARADISE compared to what you are putting us through. Please remember that this is not a break-up, just a break.  I'm well aware that when I return I'm sure you're going to be more pissed off then you are now, and force me to live in the single digits for the next eight weeks, but I'll survive.

I'm sorry I had to say these things to you, but they NEEDED to be said and I'm sure all my friends in this area will agree with me.

Yours Truly,

Frozen in Chicago

PS- If you could please refrain from your aggressive behavior (aka blizzards or ice storms) tomorrow morning - say around 7am specifically around the O'Hare airport area - that would be much appreciated!